An owl walks into a bar, and hops up on a stool. “Pull me a Guiness,” he says.

The bartender is a bit confused because he never had a talking animal in his bar before, but the owl has a little drawstring purse around his neck and puts the money down on the bar. So the bartender pulls him his Guiness, and as he’s handing it to the fellow, he notices that the owl has one wing in a splint, dried blood on his chest and missing feathers.

“Looks like something pretty bad happened to you,” says the bartender sympathetically,

“Oh, man, you got that right!” says the owl. “I just left the ER, and lemme tell you, I’m lucky to be alive! I was walking across the road, in the crosswalk just like I was supposed to be, when a car came out of nowhere and hit me!”

The bartender is puzzled, and he asks, “Why were you walking across the road?”

The owl gets angry. “Okay, buddy. I didn’t know this was a racist bar! I’ll just finish my Guiness and leave. I know where I’m not wanted!”

The bartender is taken aback. “Racist? What do you mean , racist! I’m no racist! This isn’t a racist bar!”

“Oh yeah? Like you weren’t about to make a chicken joke?!”

Another funny joke posted by JRWoodwardMSW, originally seen on Reddit.



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How do you know Arlington National Cemetery is popular?

In Transylvania. We go hunting for bear!