When you live alone, the only thing that wakes you up faster than a cold toilet seat

Is a warm toilet seat

Edit: Thanks for all of the shiny awards! u/reddit tells me they are very dapper.

Another funny joke posted by darkfish301, originally seen on Reddit.



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  1. pff look at these savages without heated toilet seats what’s next are you going to tell me your toilet doesn’t have integrated LED’s to illuminate the bowl?!

  2. I clicked on this, and in the second between it loading, and appearing, I figured out what the punchline would be

  3. I once invented a device that provided air conditioning for toilet seats but the whole idea suddenly fell apart.

    The shit hit the fan.

  4. We had an apartment in Ontario and if it got really cold, the cold water line in the bathroom would freeze. I found out that the hot water line never froze, and if you turned the hot water all the way on while the frozen cold tap was open it would backfeed into the toilet, it was quite strange to sit on a toilet filled with hot water!

  5. I once hollered from the living room “Hey honey if you’re in the kitchen can you bring me another soda? ” to which I heard “get up and get it yourself!” I thought what’s with her? Then I remembered she was at her aunt’s house in Port Arthur for the weekend. 😁

  6. Toto Washlet toilets with their heated seats are the best. My former workplace had them in most of the restrooms. I had to buy one for my home after that.

  7. Yea that usually means my neighbour is up earlier than normal and I should probably go back to hiding in the attic til hes gone

  8. Woke up one night sleeping on a weird position after some heavy drinking. While still half asleep I grabbed my left arm with my right hand, but the arm was numb and I didn’t feel anything on it. A second later I was out of bed and fully awake.

  9. One thing that’s faster: A projector screen falling on your bed at 4:00 a.m.

    /Happened last night 😮

  10. Reminds of the time I was the last person on earth. While sitting home, alone, one day, there was a knock on the door.

  11. Unexpected knocks at the door.

    No text or call your coming door stays closed. I always pretend Im not home

  12. Why is a warm toilet seat like a woman who is good in bed?

    They both feel great, but you’re left wondering who was there before you.

  13. Jay Leno’s joke….

    “The Japanese have invented a heated toilet seat. Big deal! You can get the same effect in any public toilet in New York… Nope! I want my toilet seat to be ice cold.”

  14. Friend of mine had that problem. The contractors had hooked up the hot water heater all the toilets in his house.

    He was pissed to say the least.

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