Is a warm toilet seat
Edit: Thanks for all of the shiny awards! u/reddit tells me they are very dapper.
Another funny joke posted by darkfish301, originally seen on Reddit.
in Funny Jokes
When you live alone, the only thing that wakes you up faster than a cold toilet seat
darkfish301
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Nice. Subtle yet effective
Especially true if you turn down the thermostat when you sleep
🤦♀️🤦♀️ ugh have an upvote babe.
If that seat is warm.. urine trouble.
I have a bidet with a seat warmer. So I expect my seat to be warm.
Clearly you haven’t been to Japan
This jokes on you. I have a bidet with a heated seat.
this could almost be r/TwoSentenceHorror
I find it’s someone next door running down the stairs at 6am
Lol if your ass touches the seat in Indian style toilet then you are not doing it right.
pff look at these savages without heated toilet seats what’s next are you going to tell me your toilet doesn’t have integrated LED’s to illuminate the bowl?!
I clicked on this, and in the second between it loading, and appearing, I figured out what the punchline would be
Or no toilet paper
I once invented a device that provided air conditioning for toilet seats but the whole idea suddenly fell apart.
–
The shit hit the fan.
r/twosentencehorror
….and why is there a plunger handle sticking up out of the toilet?
When you’re alone in the house and you hear a fart – that wakes you pretty fast too
Is a wet toilet seat
We had an apartment in Ontario and if it got really cold, the cold water line in the bathroom would freeze. I found out that the hot water line never froze, and if you turned the hot water all the way on while the frozen cold tap was open it would backfeed into the toilet, it was quite strange to sit on a toilet filled with hot water!
*Cue “Us” movie soundtrack*
Love it. And I am totally stealing this.
Depends on how tired i am
the laughing baby says otherwise
I once hollered from the living room “Hey honey if you’re in the kitchen can you bring me another soda? ” to which I heard “get up and get it yourself!” I thought what’s with her? Then I remembered she was at her aunt’s house in Port Arthur for the weekend. 😁
The sound of your toilet flushing!
Toto Washlet toilets with their heated seats are the best. My former workplace had them in most of the restrooms. I had to buy one for my home after that.
Yea that usually means my neighbour is up earlier than normal and I should probably go back to hiding in the attic til hes gone
The door opening.
Is when toilet splash hits you’re Ass
How come no one in the comments gets this game?
Woke up one night sleeping on a weird position after some heavy drinking. While still half asleep I grabbed my left arm with my right hand, but the arm was numb and I didn’t feel anything on it. A second later I was out of bed and fully awake.
The demon giggling in the upper right hand corner of my room
Urinal-otta trouble
&
Eau de toilette
Fastest thing to wake you up is the sound of a cat or dog working up some puke
That’s why I do a hover shit and just drop that turd like a drone
There is one other thing, no toilet seat.
One thing that’s faster: A projector screen falling on your bed at 4:00 a.m.
/Happened last night 😮
Reminds of the time I was the last person on earth. While sitting home, alone, one day, there was a knock on the door.
Unexpected knocks at the door.
No text or call your coming door stays closed. I always pretend Im not home
Why is a warm toilet seat like a woman who is good in bed?
They both feel great, but you’re left wondering who was there before you.
Jay Leno’s joke….
“The Japanese have invented a heated toilet seat. Big deal! You can get the same effect in any public toilet in New York… Nope! I want my toilet seat to be ice cold.”
Someone’s taking the piss….
You know I was having a decent day but now I’m having a mild anxiety attack thanks
Friend of mine had that problem. The contractors had hooked up the hot water heater all the toilets in his house.
He was pissed to say the least.
May I suggest posting this on r/twosentencehorror op.
No toilet seat is pretty bad too. Hope you brought the swimmies.
Idk, I’d probably be like that’s nice and not think twice about it because I’m too tired
Well my toilet as a bidet with a heated seat so I love my heated seat LOL